Resistance and delight

Wendy, my beloved pilates trainer, was off for a couple of months continuing her training. She left me in the excellent hands of one of her students, M. I'd been M's very first client the first day she started the training program. Now it was many eons later. We had a great time working together in the interim. But it wasn't the same as Wendy. Somehow my assignments fell by the wayside. I discontinued the daily swan on the ball that had taken months to take root - and which I knew had enormous benefits. I stopped typing up the session notes, previously emailed in for continuity and understanding. I hated doing it yet I knew how effective it was. Not only did it help me remember and see the bigger picture, it helped my trainers get a sense of where I was at. And it was helping work through my natural resistance, which is a constant burden.

Friday was my first appointment back with Wendy. Thursday night late, exhausted, I transcribed the previous four sessions and composed an email. It was covered in guilt.

It's late Thursday evening and I'm actually exhausted. Looking forward to seeing you in the morning. Guilty for not having transcribed these notes earlier for myself, Mandie or you :) I had a great time working with her. Felt we worked hard, covered a lot. Still too many things confusing for me, and needing the same concepts repeated over and over but still - good, strong and useful.

I missed last week because I got really sick w/ a cold. And the week before that felt injured. (Turns out I had kind of wrenched myself off kilter white water rafting. Had fun at the time!) My feet have been particularly painful, increasingly so during this interim.

Not only did I not add the bridge as a daily practice, I stopped doing swan on the wall. Have no idea why, and know I'll feel the repercussions in my body and weekly appointment. Missed several of my mat classes too, but when I did go, the work was good. In fact at one point the teacher was like, What happened to you? Your work is much better."

Friday morning I enter the studio. Wendy gives me a big smile and a hug - studies me closely for a minute . I begin, "You see my whiny email?"

"I started it," Wendy said, pausing.

"It was hilarious."

And with that, we went to work.

And that's why she's so great. Because not only does she understand movement and how the body works so profoundly, she gets me. She knows how to be patient and persistent even when I'm resistant. She knows how much to tell me to keep the confusion down and to keep me working. But she also manages it with delight. I feel neither her frustration or irritation. And for that, I'm very grateful.