New Year's Eve

For years I hated New Year's Eve. I mean how could any experience compete with the hype. That perfect kiss at midnight? For years I went out searching. Invariably depressed and disappointed when the stars refused to align. High School was torture. College not better. My post-grad years miserable save for the one when I was waitressing and pouring drinks at a comedy club. That suited me, joking with my peers, popping open bottle after bottle of champagne bantering with the poor stiffs who'd paid for their evening's entertainment. I moved to NYC and joined the swarms huddled from the cold, trudging around looking for that perfect party. The depression heavier in those great looking crowds. One year wasn't too bad, spent snorting coke and staying up all night talking with my good friends, the then couple, Tom and Renee. The next year was abysmal. So in 1981 I stayed in. Friends kept calling, trying to drag me out. I couldn't possbily be serious...How could I really stay home on New Year's Eve? Wasn't I going to be way too depressed? I stuck to my guns. Drinking, eating cookies, watching TV, and listening to James Brown still a better alternative than the annual loneliness and embarrassment. I woke up Jan. 1, 1982 feeling refreshed and with no regrets. Six weeks later I went out on a first date with the man I'm still married to. Dec. 31, 1982, in my tiny tenement apartment, with a bottle or two of champagne, I toasted my great good fortune! I was home, on New Year's Eve with all I needed. Finally, that magic midnight.

Since then, once and awhile we've gone out for a low key something or other. Mostly we've stayed in. And that's been fine. Wonderful in fact.

Happy New Years!

2006 Year End Movie wrap up

I'm not big on Ten Best Lists. And I really hate the Oscar predictions - it's just all so reductive. The oscar pundits take space and energy away from so much other deserving fare. But since some of you always ask me what's worth seeing - here's my year end tally. It's more than ten, but not 100% inclusive. I see a lot of films before they're released or even in festivals alongside purely festival and mainstream work just not worth including. As I was working on this, I was just struck by how many movies there are out there. So many I haven't seen that I'm interested in, and I'm still a hard core moviegoer! How can civilians possibly keep up?

Loved:
Half Nelson - tour de force acting. great. really loved this.
Science of Sleep - magical, romantic, a truly creative world grounded in real emotion. Didn't want it to end.
Babel - loved this too. epic. visceral. Don't get why people didn't get this more. It's how my mind works.
Shortbus - surprisingly charming, wonderfully natured, full of humanity
Idiocracy - funny as hell. brilliant ideas.
The Queen - beautifully done. love the intimacy inside the public life.
Pan's Labyrinth - Tremendous accomplishment. Feels like an old time classic.
51 Birch Street - again deeply moving in ways that surprised me. beautifully constructed.
Borat - hilarious. complex in what it's saying about us now.
Dreamgirls - pure entertainment. Terrific translation from stage to screen. Some critics criticized the music..Duh, it's the movie version of a real musical! And Eddie --whew!!!
Clerks 2 - hilarious, moving and original. I loved every second.
The Devil Wears Prada - Meryl Streep a delight.
C.R.A.Z.Y. - obscure canadian film. one of the best on families ever. great style.
LOL - raw but dead on modern social moires.
Lion in the House - True tearjerker, very much worth the time.
Fast Food Nation - Admirable.
Scanner Darkly - Funny and mindblowing in parts. Even better on second viewing.

(ok it's clear from my brief descriptions - I love movies that "move" me. Funny and poignant I guess what I'm looking for.)

Films I've Haven't Seen yet but I'm dying to:
Volver!!!!
Dead Girl - curious from all the year end lists
The Bridge
Sherry Baby
Stranger than Fiction
Pursuit of Happyness - my son says I'll love.
Just Like a Son (kurt cobain)
Deliver Us from Evil
Letters from Iwo Jima


Missed but will try to catch up with:
The death of Mr. Lazarescu
Sleeping Dogs Lie
United 93
The Refugee All Stars
Jonestown
Iraq in Fragments
My Country, My Country
Duck Season
Lives of Others
L'Enfant
Marie Antoinette
Last King of Scotland
Army of Shadows
Road to Guantanamo


Didn't love at all contrary to critical opinion
Old Joy
Little Miss Sunshine
Inland Empire

Enjoyed just not most favorite
Apocalyptic - wall to wall native faces - a feast for the eyes visually. Story inconsequential, it's just Braveheart redux.
Casino Royale - He's hot. not crazy about the poker or love story
Quinceara - enjoyable. surprised it wasn't more popular.
Shut Up and Sing - moving, intimate, a peek inside the eye of the storm
Rescue Dawn - harrowing
Departed - fun to see the Boston guys playing Boston
Children of Men - not the greatest story but the bleak vision of the future terrifying. What i worry about.
Blood Diamond - Not perfect but gripping, thought provoking and Leonardo sublime.
Talledega Nights - funny
Tales of the Rat Fink - very inventive
Prairie Home Companion - fluid, entertaining, made me appreciate the show
Jackass 2 - ok, so I laughed.
Jam - really moving, transcendent doc on SF roller derby
Infamous - loved Capote, loved this. Great story, why not different interpretations? -like with symphonies.
Tristam Shanty - enjoyable romp
Clean - obscure rock n roll drug fallout but pretty great traditional art flick. Strong lead and very fine Nick Nolte.
Friends with Money - surprised how much I liked this. Particularly the husband character everyone assumed was gay.
Dave Chappelle's Block Party - funny, good music, good time
Wassup Rockers - charming enough
49 Up - continuation of this fascinating series. My generation.
Breakfast on Pluto
Black Dahlia - for the look alone. lush.
Guide to Recognizing Your Saints - you've seen it before but appealing performances
Host - entertaining and foreign
District B13 - breathtaking stunts
Thin - upsetting but very close
The World - provocative original foreign film
Inside Man - solid
Thank you for Smoking - amusing
Ballet Russe - was this 2005? Superb and deeply moving. About more than dance,about time and what's worth doing.
World's Fastest Indian - I really loved this. Hopkins reminded me of my Dad.
Match Point
War Tapes

Addiction

I've maintained for some time that Diet Coke is one of the most addictive substances around. I started drinking it in the last decade, kind of amused by my friend Tracy's addiction. If you look around, you'll see that people who drink Diet Coke, drink a LOT of Diet Coke. They don't just have it once and awhile. Not only is it the favored drink of us bigger folks, and the perpetually thin dieting ones, I notice it often in the clutches of my non-alcohol-drinking alcoholic friends.

I gave it up on November 14th. My accupunturist suggested it, but I was ready, feeling like it was causing some ill effects. Secretly feeling like it was making me even more hungry. So I gave it up. And now I think about it everyday. I don't feel better. I constantly want one. Sometimes I even dream about it. I dreamed I drank one and panicked. It doesn't seem to feel easier, though I keep putting it off one more day. I've switched to water and tea.

That is until yesterday. Yesterday the air was heavy and humid. I'd been up late the night before, several nights before, and just couldn't get into gear. I wanted a Diet Coke. All day long. I put it off minute by minute. Eventually, out for dinner before Blood Diamond I ordered one. It tasted great!

In this recent Newsweek article, Dr. Nora Volkow, who's dedicated her life to studying addiction said, "I've never met anyone who thought they would become addicted..."

The article continues to report, "...brain science is proving that we all have the potential to become addicted to something: drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sex, gambling, even food. And while we may think that being addicted to food is not as bad as being addicted to heroin, researchers are learning that all addictions are more alike than was previously thought. Becoming an addict is more a matter of chance than we ever realized; mix the right combination of genetics and life experience, and anyone could find himself addicted to something."

I can't find the reference but I have this vague memory from the original Whole Earth catalogue. In an entry about addiction, it talked about how your addictions ground you. Give you a reason for being. Like if you had your cigarettes, it was ok to leave the house. You had all you needed, in the palm of your hand. (I've often that was part of the ipod's initial appeal - it was the same size as a pack of smokes for all us ex-addicts. You see the syndrome everywhere now with phones and blackberries...)

I quit smoking 21 years ago after 16 years of loving it. I quit for the first time in 1978 cold turkey. Maintaining for about a year and half until the compulsion kicked up it's ugly head. It was simply too loud to ignore -- though I tried. I remember thinking, this must be like what the drive to murder feels like. I quit again using group hypnosis in 1985. I still miss it. The desire remains though I don't dare. Addiction's a bitch, even in these rather benign forms. Thank God I didn't have the chemistry for the harder stuff.

Goodbye to James Brown...the Greatest

Ahhh James Brown... How you enriched my life.

I loved, still love, your music. There's nothing like it.

Merry Txmas

From my house to yours. Thanks to all of you've who've been stopping by this blog. I really appreciate it. Like the salsa, this has turned out to be more fun than I expected.

Laura Nyro - How can the young be unfamiliar?

I'm often surprised by how kids half my age, have heard all the same music I've heard, yet in only half the time. There's a taking for granted of a certain musical canon. Until now. Last summer a director was over who'd recently made a highly acclaimed doc on singer-songwriter Townes Van Zant. I mentioned one of my alltime favorites, Laura Nyro. She said, "who?" Who? I couldn't understand how a woman who'd devoted years to a film about a songwriter's kind of songwriter, wouldn't be familiar with the great Laura Nyro. I wrote it off to her being a Southerner.

It came up again last night with a grad student who'd gone to both prep school and college in the Northeast. No name recognition whatsoever. And later with a serious music fan/writer - a guy who prides himself on having heard everything. Vague recollection maybe. And to make matters worse, verified again today by two other young music lovers. How could this woman, who was so profoundly influential in the 60's, and who sounded so fucking great, be so unknown? She provided the soundtrack for my life for a long time. When she died too young from ovarian cancer, I tracked down the obit photo in Rolling Stone and bought an original print because she so utterly embodied what my adolescent angst felt & looked like. A truly unique blend of white soul.

Sometimes I listen to Pandora.com which will match any song or band with other music like it. When I plug in one of my perennial favorite bands, XTC, I'm delighted for hours with similar complex rhythms and harmonies. When I try Laura Nyro, it doesn't work, because there's no one else like her. It's not just the politics. It's not just the female voice. She was a total original.

Maybe the music doesn't carry. Maybe it was specifically of its time. But for this moment I'm going to try to turn some new people on to her.

Recommended CDs
Gonna Take a Miracle - w/ Labelle. - Talk about soul! My favorite track Nowhere to Run.
New York Tendaberry Totally heartbreaking. One of my favorite records of all time. "Sidewalk and pigeon. You look like a city but you feel like religion to me."
Stoned Soul Picnic - The Best of Laura Nyro

A YouTube taste

Addressing envelopes

A friend I asked for an address update couldn't believe I was thinking of sending holiday cards. This was my response:

Oh it's such a weird old habit. I started way before I had kids -because I just love communication I guess. It was my one stab at artwork - I'd handsew rubber airplanes on home-made cards or go crazy with glue and glitter on Hong Kong glossy postcards. Eventually the kid photo thing took over and it became a narrative. The xmas after the documentary opened I didn't bother - figured everyone had had enough of our family. And I almost didn't this year - figured the kids were too old and that email kept me in touch enough. But I don't know, I got one or two I liked in the mail. Then I realized that the last one I sent out had W. at a newly aged 13 and now he's a man over 6 feet. Figured I needed the closure on his aging. So I rushed a little photo concept together. Hopefully it'll look OK when I get it back from the printer tomorrow and I'll mail it out. I took some hours to weed through my address book. Awed and overwhelmed by the decades' worth of names. Somehow I still came up with roughly 200 that seemed xmas card appropriate this year. It almost seems old fashioned and retro in this day of instant communication. I'm going with the throwback notion.

Holiday Showcase with my new friend

Last night I went to a Holiday Showcase for my dance studio. Dress was "semi-formal," with a cash bar and hors d'oeuvres at a nice South Austin hotel. Walking in, it felt like a High School Reunion. The dress was fancier than I expected. Hell, I should have known better, this is Texas! My clothing range varies little - different shades and textures of simple black touched off by a varying intensity of makeup and earrings. That's it. But this crowd was quite swank and good looking.

I went with my new friend from class. The one who'd caught me on Sxsw Presents and then googled me. Which I found to be way more charming than creepy. It's a very familiar new-friend pattern for me. She's one of the cutest girls at the studio. I'd noticed her dancing before I recognized her at Sunday yoga. I mentioned the yoga, she mentioned the TV, and now she's the one I talk to. I watch all the guys hit on her, and ask her to dance while I'm standing by, and it feels very familiar. Only now, not only am I not single and available too, I haven't been in decades. But the syndrome feels the same. I don't know how she feels about being single. She asks more questions than she answers. But she's lovely, and we have a good time when we talk. I kept feeling like I should shoo her off to one of the cute young guys there, but she seemed comfortable hanging with me. One of these days I'll get her story.

I was primarily interested in the showcase to see the teachers. They did not disappoint. Real dancers, real beautiful lines and grace. But what was the surprise was the students. More women than men, of varying ages. Of varying ability too, but joined in their desire to perform publicly. Which means to be seen. Early on, my friend A. leaned over and asked, "Think you'd like to do that?" The answer was emphatically "No." I really don't like to be looked at. Why? I don't know. I performed as a child into early teen years, then stopped. I really don't like to be looked at, at all. To be known, yes. To get credit, absolutely! But to be looked at, definitely not. It feels like a different breed entirely, those who crave the spotlight. I recognize it, I truly can't relate.

Tommy the elf

Looks like my pal Tommy's taking over my blog! But this was too hilarious to pass up:


Enjoy


He makes an extra cute elf because he's already been through the Scanner Darkly animation process.

Background on the giant girl

The YouTube video was the first I heard of the little girl giant and/or the Sultan's Elephant. Turns out it was a piece of street theatre in London. To read more about it...